7 Ways to Manage Difficult Feelings

Many of us are surprised by how much stress we’re feeling. As we adjust to social distancing, it’s important to remember that even if we’re physically OK, the pressure we’re under is enormous. It’s a kind of stress that none of us has ever experienced in our lives. The world is suddenly more dangerous, and the danger is invisible. In lockdown, we can’t be with people we care about; we might even have lost our jobs. We’re forced to adopt new roles – like the mom, who usually works full time, suddenly has to be her children’s teacher on top of everything else.

Social distancing leaves some of us alone, too, and it leaves some of us too close to each other. Those of us who live alone are suddenly cut off from the people we see each day. Those of us who live with others are confined to spaces we never had to share 24/7. Our usual balances of being alone and together have been thrown off, and it can make us more irritable, more depressed, more anxious.

My friends and colleagues have shared some tips that help them manage the difficult and complex emotions that arise in this situation:

1. Let yourself feel what you’re feeling.

In times of crisis, we’re much more likely to tell ourselves we’re doing things wrong. Notice when you say to yourself, I shouldn’t be feeling this anger or anxiety or sadness. We feel what we feel, and feelings are never wrong. The key to dealing with negative feelings is remembering that you don’t have to act on them. You don’t have to send that nasty email or make that sarcastic remark.

2. Remember, emotions change and pass.

When you’re in the midst of anxiety or anger, it can seem like it’s always going to feel that way. But feelings are like the weather — all you need to do is wait a little while, and feelings can move on and change.

3. Don’t let feelings spill over from one thing to another.

Let’s say, for example, that you find yourself getting scared when you see something about the pandemic on your phone or TV. It’s no coincidence that when you turn to watch your child do something minor that annoys you, you snap. Try to notice when something upsets you, take a breath, and try not to let those feelings color your view of the next person who crosses your path.

4. Cut the people in your life a lot of slack.

People are going to be more irritable and more anxious during this time. When you find yourself judging them, notice the judgment but don’t share it. Instead, try to understand their point of view and empathize. For example, when a teenager is sad about not being with her friends, that’s not the time for a lecture about how lucky she is to be safe and healthy. Remember how hard it is for a teen to be separated from friends. Empathize.

5. When discussions get tense, step back, take a break.

It’s always better to try to resolve differences when everyone has calmed down. (But if tension reaches the level of abuse, get help. If someone is abusive or making you feel afraid, it’s time to reach out to others for help.)

6. Don’t let silence worry you.

Less is happening in our lives, so there’s less to tell each other. Silences don’t mean you’ve stopped having things in common or that you have a bad relationship. It’s just what happens when life is quieter.

7. Reach out to people who are alone whenever the thought crosses your mind.

Are you interested in learning more about the best emotional management strategies?

Check Out Bob’s Kitchen Table Chat – Why Am I So Irritable? Managing Difficult Emotions in Relationships during the Pandemic